Nikki’s Story

“I was married for about 12 years, and my husband and I started using drugs together. Things went south really fast. Within one year we both lost our jobs, we separated, and lost custody of our two sons. After that, I was in another relationship almost out of necessity because I didn’t have a job or a lot of family support. We broke up, but we had a daughter together. I got into another relationship that was very abusive, and I couldn’t be around my children. I felt a lot of despair and disappointment in myself.

I had a victim mentality, like the world was against me and nothing I did was ever good enough. I felt like no one liked me and everyone was out to hurt me. I didn’t have any hope for myself, and I thought things would be that way forever. I didn’t want to live any longer because I couldn’t be in my children’s lives. Their guardians didn’t want me in their lives, and that made me very desperate. I knew at some point, something had to give, because I couldn’t imagine living another day in my reality.

One night, I was in a fight with my boyfriend and the cops were called. I had been accepted to a 30-day treatment program, but my boyfriend wouldn’t let me leave. He went in the house when the cops arrived, and I left. The cops were waiting for me at the end of the road and had every reason to arrest me. Instead, one of them gave me gas money to get to the treatment program. I knew that was a God thing, and this was His plan. My case manager helped me apply to Hope House’s recovery program, so I didn’t have to go back to the life I was trying to leave after the 30-day program ended.

Before I got to Hope House, I was scared to death because I had no idea what to expect. I knew it was faith based, long term recovery, but I had never done that and didn’t know what it would be like. The staff were so welcoming. I didn’t have anything when I arrived, and they immediately helped me get clothes at the Community Store. The other residents were welcoming and loving, and included me. I gained new sisters, and we became family almost immediately. The first six months, we spent every day together. I would talk about resentments I had, and they helped me work through those things.

The volunteers who led Bible studies took interest in my life. That meant so much to me. I didn’t feel seen in the world. I felt like people didn’t care if I lived or died, and Hope House changed that for me. I felt valued. I understood that I’m a child of God, and learning how He sees me changed how I see myself and how I want to be treated by others. Program Living taught me to consistently study God’s Word. It’s like daily medicine. You can read the same scripture at different points in your life, and it can mean something different to you each time. When I read scripture in the morning it changes the whole outlook of my day, and I can handle anything.

Regaining relationships with my children was really slow at first. I called every day for four months before they answered me. From the first phone call until now, our relationships have changed so drastically. I get texts from my sons almost daily, and I see my daughter almost every weekend and take her to church with me. It was hard to hold onto hope that those relationships would be restored, but God did a mighty work in that area and I’m so grateful.

Staying connected with Hope House staff, volunteers, and current residents since I graduated the program has helped me stay on the right path. I love seeing the volunteers, doing Bible study, going to Celebrate Recovery meetings, and I still talk to the women I went through the program with. Being a part of their lives helps me want to be better. Hope House gave me a safe place to heal. Not only was it a place to be sober, but to really find myself. Now I have everything that I’ve always wanted. I have a home. I have my family. I have a good job that I love through New Leaf. Even wanting to be sober, without the foundation that Hope House has given me, I don’t believe I would have maintained that. Hope House changed everything.

My fervent prayer for the future is that I’ll have all three of my children in my home with me. I pray that often and have faith, but I’m also okay if it takes a while. I would like to keep working at Hope House and be a part of this organization. I’d like to continue spending time with the women in Program Living. To see the condition of their hearts when they walk in the doors and the change in them one or two months later, they get this light back about them. I love watching God transform their lives and it’s amazing to witness.

It’s all glory to God. God just doesn’t stop working. He’s always working. The relationships in my life that I never thought would change, have. I have so many blessings beyond what I deserve, and I’m so thankful for a risen savior who redeemed me and blesses me and loves me and calls me His own. Even if I had nothing, if I have Jesus, I have everything.”